You are who you have been and who has been to you. My roots I find in the distant past. Why? My parents born in 1900 and 1905 could marry only after World War II and were quite aged when I was born as first and only child.
In hindsight I understand and esteem the difficulties and struggles that influenced my life due to their hardships but also to their different and much older reference frame and their knowledge and talents. They referred to the 19 th century which gave them a broader outlook which I now can appreciate as much richer than the narrow and rather depressing outlook a Post WWII biography guarantees. This includes the rich social, familial, educational and cultural life they were able to refer to and rely upon.
It was my father who taught me to draw, my mother who shared her experiences having an “absolute Eye and Ear”. She was able to memorize, recollect and identify the different hues and shades of colours and of music. Alas I never was part of my parents`memories and presence, they focused on the past, their died out families and while they shared it, I felt excluded, experiencing the hardships of a family that did not exist any longer due to WWI and WWII, die Spanish Influenza Pandemy and the long term effects of all the catastrophes these generations of war and persecution had to endure, of having been bombed and barely having escaped the flames, the violence and the attacks, the diseases and the poverty themselves.
It took me a while until I found my ways. Drawing has always been a central tool of self-expression for me. In the Children`s Hospital in Königswinter, where I started Primary School, in the Realschule in Cologne, where I struggled with having lost my father after his year long infirmity at age 11 and later on in the Gymnasium in Frankfurt, where I took art classes and learned the techniques of Radierung (Etching) while devouring the works of Alfred Kubin, Antonio Tapiès and Max Ernst. I choose Japanology and Sinology as study areas because I was dedicated to East Asian Art and Calligraphy.
My life as a Free Lance Author and Writer working in Journalism started after the toils of Academic life (Magister Artium, Diploma and Doctorate). Then I worked as a Clinical Psychologist and wrote Books, Essays, Features, Articles.
My life as Fine Artist started later, after having worked as the head of the Jüdisches Kulturmuseum in Augsburg.
Art follows the natural law of mankind it seems, so dreams have the tendency to transform into nightmares, but when you are lucky (or earned it …) nightmares can smooth down and get transferred or transform into less nightmarish states, maybe even “dreams.” The important thing is to adapt your tools, expectations and hopes to the possibility of changes, which hopefully are not always ending up being of worse nightmarish quality than what was already nightmarish before.
So despite my reservations towards methods of self improvement and self teaching, I studied the Old Masters and took classes in painting techniques specializing on oil painting. I participated in art projects and group exhibitions. And while being reluctant to take my pictures on long trips, thus accepting the growing invitations of galleries, crossing borders and tax regulation authorities, finding help to organize my whereabouts, so far turned down real exhibitions, Art Fairs etc and – living an existence without helping hands, I so far concentrate on exhibitions in Online Galeries and publication possibilities.
I appreciate that art is to be approached by doing, rather than by self-analyzing and meticulously planning each step to be taken.
However, I experience as challenge and chance, that structures, surfaces, arbitrarily collected impressions, tissues and body structures, no matter how torn, demolished, destroyed they seem to be – in the end can lead to pieces that seem unblemished as if they never had been shattered at all.
I find these efforts to search new structures to transform disagreeable or overwhelming presences of the negative kind, quite reassuring.
Sometimes at least.